A thought

I just had the slightly peculiar thought that, though I often think that I want to die, what I really want is to be dead.  Biology more or less demands that actually to die is almost always a quite unpleasant process.  To be dead, however, is rather appealing.  If I could find a way to do a kind of metaphorical quantum tunneling, to go from being alive to dead without having to get over the hump of the activationg energy–or is that deactivation energy?–that would be pretty cool.